As a professional lover I am often contacted by ladies with no prior experience in the bedroom.  If this sounds like you, I have a few tips I’d like to share that I believe will make your first experience much more enjoyable, and will hopefully spare you some of the awkwardness many of us were subjected to in our youth.

Personally, I was a fairly late bloomer when it came to losing my virginity as compared to pretty much everyone around me. I had just turned 18 and I’ll never forget how my heart thumped with anticipation at the realisation that “the deed” was finally going to happen with a real-life, similarly eager female human being and how those butterflies quickly turned to bewilderment and outright confusion when I realised I had absolutely no idea what I was supposed to do. Fortunately, my partner was just as inexperienced as I was and the long-term friendship we already shared allowed us to clumsily stumble through the whole process with a mutually awkward, yet somewhat relaxed adolescent humour. 

Fast forward almost 30 years and I now find myself a male escort and guide to women seeking companionship – some of whom were virgins themselves when they first contacted me. The reasons for their inexperience vary. For some, it may be a result of their religious beliefs or the culture in which they grew up, or it may stem from issues they have with their appearance and a general lack of self-confidence, but more often than not, it’s also because they haven’t met anyone they feel truly comfortable with. Whatever the reason, that same feeling of being “different” – that feeling the rest of us cast aside in our youths – persists for them and, armed with some disposable cash and a desire to take control, they choose to create their ideal experience with someone they can trust – which is where I sometimes come in. 

If this sounds like it could be you, and you’re still waiting for the perfect partner, I can assure you that you are most definitely not alone but should that time come, the following tips may just help you with your first experience. 

Communication is everything

In all sexual encounters, it’s important to be upfront and honest with your partner and if it’s your first time, honesty is more important than ever – and not only when it comes to making the big confession. Things will be a lot more relaxing if you’re able to express how quickly you want to proceed – or even whether you want to. I’ve had clients who very matter-of-factly have asked me to just “get it done” whereas others have preferred to go slowly by building up to the actual penetration over several bookings. Hopefully, you can feel confident vocalising what does and doesn’t work for you – it’s a significant moment and because you’re now a bit older, you can now hopefully feel more comfortable calling the shots and suggesting new things you’ve always wanted to try, as well as things you’d prefer not to. 

Relax. Let yourself go!

Hopefully, with a bit of chatter – and maybe some nice champagne – you have both been able to establish an open, loving environment with good communication, no judgment and clear boundaries.  Now’s the time to just relax (well, as much as possible anyway) by allowing your body to naturally react how it wants to. For me, being with a virgin is a unique and wonderful experience where most things are new for my partner and I love knowing that her reactions are genuine and not any sort of performance influenced by others for my benefit. I’ve been with people who react in ways they think I’ll like – based on what past lovers have liked, or even based on porn – and it shows. This usually isn’t the case when I’m with someone who has no prior experience and it’s incredibly hot! It’s nice knowing that when they show pleasure, they mean it because they know of no other way. If you can begin to recognise what your body likes, you and your partner might even be able to bring you close to orgasm – and that can make for some truly wonderful, and rewarding lovemaking.

Advocate to Lubricate

In the wonderful world of sex work, pretty much everyone uses lubrication, every time, and for me, reaching for it at the crucial moment has become almost instinctive as too much friction is never a good thing. Dryness is most certainly not an indication of how turned on you are and even if you feel you are wet enough, lube really does make everything more fun! Given that it’s your first time, you’re bound to be a bit anxious and your body might react accordingly so I believe it’s always a good idea to have a little lube on hand, just in case. There are many different types to choose from but I usually have both water-based and silicon-based varieties on hand. Water-based is good for people who may react adversely to silicon and is available in various flavours for oral fun, but I prefer the feeling of silicon-based lube which isn’t as sticky and works for much longer – with the bonus that it can also be used in the shower. Both are suitable for use with all types of condoms, but oil-based lubricants such as baby oil or Vaseline are best avoided as they may cause them to weaken and break.

Things can get messy

If everything goes to plan, you’ll hopefully be tangled up in the bedsheets, clothes strewn all over the floor and you’ll have created the sort of bomb site that would make Keith Moon proud. Even if this isn’t quite the case, you need to expect there to be a bit of blood on the sheets when you have sex for the first time. It need not be a big deal at all if you plan for it and place towels in strategic positions beforehand. I suggest one or two underneath your hips to protect the sheets, and another on the floor next to you to wrap around you as you head to the shower afterwards. Give them a rinse while in the shower and you’ll be good to go. 

Stick with it

The very first time will be uncomfortable and can be quite painful for some. I’ve had the feeling described to me as similar to stretching the skin between your fingers, so it can really sting down there and not only initially, but for a couple of days afterwards as well. From my perspective as a male, the amount of force required can vary from none at all, to far too much for me to comfortably continue in some cases. Hopefully, though, you’ve taken your time and enjoyed the process of exploring each other’s bodies in other ways by that point so it may be preferable to slow things down if it all becomes too much. It’s much better to end the night on a high – without pushing yourself just for the sake of it. A patient and loving partner will understand your limitations and give you the space to decide when and if you want it to happen. It’s also worth keeping in mind that it’s very difficult to have an orgasm solely through penetrative sex anyway, so why not work on that part in the meantime? 

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